Mikey's Madness

Your Daily Dose of Drama from a

Horseshoeing Housewife

Monday December 31st, 2007

Last Post of the Year!

We had to load up some dogs

to deliver them to Grandma

so we could go tag team trim

the worst donkeys ever

You can’t imagine how hard it is

to find a babysitter who can handle

a 3 yr old and 7 dogs

Grandma rocks

But to load this crew

is something else

How I wish I had video

All you’d probably get is

me laughing

I did manage to

pull myself together

and snap a few

precious moments

Some dogs are good at this

some are not

High school wrestling experience helps

Laying down

does not help

no comment needed

giggle snort lol

Lift with your knees honey

He finally says “To heck with it”

something like that

and lets her get in the front

she can jump in there on her own

Hitchhikers wouldn’t get in this truck

I’m still laughing at Wade

You can handle a 1200 lb horse

but not a 100 lb dog?

His response?

I get that a lot

from everybody

Happy New Year!

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Sunday December 30th, 2007

Tough Enough to Wear Pink

This is how we roll

They got hamburgers

much to Wade’s disgust

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Friday December 28th, 2007

Where not to be on New Year’s Eve

I’m better now

I have gas

That doesn’t sound right

natural gas

That doesn’t sound right either

I give up

I’m happy and warm

Since I’m so perky

I shall share with y’all

what not to do on New Year’s Eve

or rather

where not to be

Here

with a baby

Yes that’s me

Why am I there?

Because I am a moron

As such, I document it

whenever possible

This was 3 yrs ago

Mercy was just 7 months old

I had gone back to work

shoeing horses

I went to Bagdad AZ

to shoe

I was still figuring out how this works

with a child

The one smart thing I did

I took my BFF Toe

no, that’s not her real name

She’s ranch raised with

4 siblings

qualified to watch my child

So I did my horses

and on our way back

we wanted to swing by her sister’s ranch

so I took a shortcut

A really pretty shortcut

However, I had never taken this shortcut

in the winter

I was so distracted by the beauty

I drove right into this

Cause I’m that good

Yes, it was a running wash

a significantly big one

What you see here is only one part

This thing ran waaaayyy down the road

The road being 40 miles from my house

15 from her sister’s

and it was getting dark

We called her sister’s husband

who drives a truck just like mine

but four wheel drive

Even so, he couldn’t get to us

because I wasn’t the only moron out there

several men were stuck too, farther ahead of us

Various folks came by

No one who could pull this out

and here’s the really nice part

My pipes are underwater

Why, some of you might ask

is that bad?

It’s bad because if your engine dies

or you run out of gas and the engine dies

and it sucks up water

Kiss it bye bye

be scrappin the whole truck

There’s a whole crazy story

as to how I know this

It involves a dog, a river and

20 convicts w/armed guards

We’ll save that for later

Needless to say

this ain’t my first rodeo

Sooooo

We’re stuck

It’s getting dark

I call everyone

The tow truck company says

“Yes, we know where you are.

No, we will NOT send our truck out there”

“Yes, we know you have a baby in the truck”

“The answer is still no”

What we say to that

“Look what your mama got us into

You know, you better get used to this”

exact words

So I frantically call my neighbor

who owns a beast of a truck

and so does his brother

They drop everything

head out

haul out the guys stuck ahead of us

and ride to our rescue

I have no pictures of this

because I was wading knee deep

with the baby

It took 2 trucks chained together

to pull us out

after they literally waded in

and lifted my truck

out of the hole I made trying to get out

So I repeat

DON’T DO THIS

I made a solemn promise

to my neighbors

NEVER AGAIN

So far it’s held

Dang good neighbors, eh?

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Thursday December 27th, 2007

Hell

Christmas was as merry as can be

While you’re puking

Yep

We are and have been sick

We delivered presents on Xmas Eve

Puking all the way in the truck

So nice

We spent Xmas morning taking turns

in the bathroom

To top things off

I’m missing a dog

Noodle

Despite flyers, calls, driving around

He’s gone

I’m pretty sure coyotes got him

I have no more energy to look

Let me add one more fun thing

Yesterday the water quit at 2 pm

which means the booster pump quit

just like last year

when it froze and cracked EVERYONE’S pumps

Luckily I have the best pump company ever

Wickenburg Pump

who came right out

3 times in 12 hrs

and got it fixed

God Bless you Walt and Anita

I could kiss your feet right now

Meanwhile

I was nearly out of natural gas

which heats our home

last week I called them

They promised to come on Xmas Eve

which I thought was wonderful

except

THEY DIDN’T COME

I figured this out last night

when I finally pried myself away from the toilet

to go check the gauge

and it was empty

So far

it’s like the car

it says E but we’ve still got 30 miles

So at 11pm last night I call Ferrellgas HQ

and they promise to get right on it and call me in the morning

Meanwhile, they recommend I turn my tank off and have no heat

with a houseful of sick people

but the option is to breathe toxic fumes

like I can smell anything

9:30 this morning

no call

I call them

They have no record of me on schedule

Do I remember who I talked to??

oh please

Now I’m about out of patience

The lady tells me she wishes I’d called yesterday

because now they can’t get a truck out till tomorrow morning

Oh, look!

there goes patience

out the window

I tell her

without yelling

that my well pump is out

I’ve been puking for 4 days now

and if there isn’t a truck here TODAY

I will be puking in HER office

and I’m not kidding

She tells me it will cost me $100 extra

and her driver has 25 stops today

I tell her

I don’t care

Get a truck here today

and I’ll talk to your headquarters about the $100

Now I’m waiting patiently

and if that truck doesn’t come by 4 pm

I’ll be spending the night at their office

puking in their toilet

I am SO not kidding

Meanwhile Wade went to leave

escape, run for your life!

only to find his truck won’t start

which sent me into fits of giggles

in my present state that turns into

sh*ts and giggles

If anything else wants to go wrong

I’ll be in the bathroom

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Monday December 24th, 2007

Happy Christmas Eve!

I spied this early this morning

Someone couldn’t wait to open a present

The culprit?

Mesquite!!!

One of us left a present in the bed

of the truck overnight

He can’t help himself

He was also waiting

in his usual spot

this morning

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Sunday December 23rd, 2007

The Day Wade and I Met

Wouldn’t you know

I have pictures of this day?

In the spirit of

The Pioneer Woman

who was on CNN yesterday

and if you don’t read

you should

and her cowboy love story

I thought I’d be a copycat,

get all sappy

and tell you ours

We met on roundup

a few miles from my house

I had heard much gossip

bout this “Wade” character

“Buddy’s brother”

mostly good

helluva roper, real nice guy, hard worker

some bad

drinks a lot, parties

but lots and lots of talk

small towns, what can I say?

So I was real curious

Here’s what I rode up to

my first impression

Not much sexier in the morning

than a cowboy putting on chaps, eh?

We rode out as a bunch

My horse was a little nutso young

so I held him back and we worked it out

Everyone spread out and I rode solo

working this one wash

crisscrossing occasionally with other riders

After a bit

I got into it with a black calf

Every single roundup, for me,

there is always a renegade black calf

ALWAYS

Anyway, it was a year of heavy spring rains

and a LOT of brush

and a LOT of SNAKES

This is Casey killing a big ol’ rattler

I held the horses and admired the chaps

Now you all know, I wouldn’t have killed it

BUT ranchers don’t appreciate them biting their cows

and it’s not my place to say what you do on your own ranch

Anyway

As I was saying

I’m chasing this black calf thru

the brush

and here comes Wade

riding by to help someone else

who had a bunch at a nearby tank (water hole)

I explain to him what I’m doing

I’ve found and lost this dang calf 3 times now and I’m pissed

He’s small enough to slip under things my horse can’t,

dark enough to hide in the shadows,

and when I do find him, he bolts like a deer

I needed another person on the other side of the wash

Wade said he’d be right back

Yeah right

He never came back

I was pretty miffed

Worse

I never did get that calf

But it didn’t stop me from taking pictures

and wondering about this cowboy

who wasn’t the slightest bit interested in me

Hmmmmmm

Oh yeah

You got my attention

Later

It was stuff like this

That got my heart

Ok I gotta stop

This is waaayyy too mushy

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Saturday December 22nd, 2007

Surprise!

At 7:30 this morning

we had visitors

all the way from Texas!

This is Mercy’s half brother

Frankie

How about that?

We had a nice visit

On that note

Let’s talk about the

Cowgirl Creed

This is from the book

Cowgirl Smarts – How to Rope a Kick Ass Life

By Ellen Reid Smith

(Ellen, if you read this, I hope you don’t mind me sharing)

Live and die by

these rules

ladies

The Cowgirl Creed

Dare to be a cowgirl

Buck the rules

Stay balanced in the saddle

Ride the trail of adventure

Dream as big as Texas

Be tough, but be feminine

Attack life like it’s a 1,000 lb. steer

Saddle your own horse (I might add shoe your own horse)

Rein in your fears

Dress for success – the cowgirl way

Ride high in the saddle

Ride high, but stay grounded

Give others a leg up

Always get back on the horse

Ride beside your man

Recharge your cowgirl spirit

Die with your boots on

Got it?

Good

Your mission

should you choose to accept it

is to

go out and live it

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Friday December 21st, 2007

Start them young

Here’s how it works

you live here

you better be helpful

Helping unhook the horse trailer

after Mommy took 4 horses for a ride

They were MESSY!

How cool is this?

THIS is why you have kids

and there’s that dang Maggie dog again

probably wondering if she can eat the shovel

or what’s on it - gross

We had a fine time humiliating her

the other night

Maggie had a bath!

cause it’s so cold

we stuck a shirt on her

Hiding won’t help, Maggie

We see you

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Wednesday December 19th, 2007

Chasing the cow

Revisited

How many times

are we going to

do this?

I’ll say this much

She’s getting real good at this

I mean Mercy

not the cow

But she’s getting good at it too

Back she goes

thru the fence

Thanks punkin!

Mommy didn’t want to walk that far

__________________________________

Here you go

PROOF

I wear a dress

twice a year

Thanks Danny and Viv

for letting me borrow your paint horse

can’t take my picture w/o a horse!

Ok people

Who let the reindeer in the house?

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Monday December 17th, 2007

The Simplest Things

Here in the desert

we lack trees

Feeling sorry

for Mercy

we elected to build her

a hay house

sort of

She’s saying

Yo Yo UP!

Note

Those white patches on Yo Yo’s right side?

Not spots

Mercy’s been playing

barber shop

again

Bless her heart

Yo Yo gets her heavy self up there

took just a little bit of effort

This made Mercy’s day

That’s one good dog

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Saturday December 15th, 2007

It’s Another Fine Day

Isn’t this a handsome horse?

Remember how I recently put up this hitching rail

and some of you thought it was a little high?

This is my third biggest horse

Here’s the short cowgirl on the tall horse

___________________

This is the man who rags on me about

dogs on the furniture

What’s got them so riveted?

NFR baby

If you didn’t watch

shame on you!

We watched Wade’s friend Josh

He does tie down roping and steer wrestling

He’s pretty good

2 nights ago he won the go-around

tonight he took 5^th

In the All Around Cowboy

World Standings

he was #2

not too shabby

For those who don’t know

that’s like $120,000

maybe more

But

it’s not about money

It’s about

BRAGGING RIGHTS

Woooo wheeeee

Say it with me

Merrrry Christmas!!

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Friday December 14th, 2007

Foolin’ around

Kinda slow around here

this week.

Mostly I’ve been at

the Post Office

with the rest of you people

We roped the dummy

As we prepared for this

I told her

“We have to go get the dummy to rope”

and she says, as only a 3 yr old can

“Am I the dummy?”

Big pause

I consider this carefully

(this is one of those crucial parenting moments, right?)

and say

“No punkin, not today”

She’s sure she wants to rope cows

We keep telling her

not yet

Then there’s me.

I’m a dork

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Monday December 10th, 2007

Full On

Gross Out

Y’all get to see my feet today

I wanted to wear sandals today

and

Wade so kindly

pointed out that big toenail

is about to come off

Is it bizarre that I didn’t even notice?

No one tells you

when you start shoeing horses

that you’re going to lose toenails

A LOT

Anyway

Wade and I argued about this toenail

a few months back

whether it would fall off or not

Well it’s hanging here by a corner

So Wade is right

It’s coming off

If it catches on something

That’ll probably really hurt

Wade says to me

“Hang on a second,

I’ve got just the thing”

Friggin farriers

He comes back with this

Those are mini-horse Lopez nippers

I do not trust Wade doing this

You can do my best horse

But not my feet

He threatened to put a lip-twitch on me

and I reminded him

that he has to sleep next to me tonight

So I did it myself

Woooooo gross

Yep

That’s how it looks

Some of it wasn’t ready to fall off

So I left it

It’s not so bad

It could look like this

You bet that hurt

That’s my other big toe

It just grew back

Since I was going to town

I figured I better

camouflage it

So much better!

At this point I mention to Wade

“Did you realize your crotch is gonna be on my blog?”

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Sunday December 9th, 2007

Dogs and Kids

Besides the chewing issue

which isn’t over

I wonder

What in the world is wrong

with this dog?

This one was a few days ago

And then there’s tonight

Honestly

She’s got problems

Yes, I let dogs on the couch sometimes

Actually Wade and I came to an agreement

No dogs in the house

except for

Tequila

(on the bottom there)

who has survived 12 years with me

We both agree

she’s earned the right to

do whatever she dang well wants to

Maggie there snuck in while I was

engrossed in Extreme Home Makeovers

Then there’s the

beauty shop bandits

They held up Kaylee’s dad Charley

and painted him

with Hooker Red nail polish

I’m pretty sure it was a first for him

Mercy has discovered Tetris

She holds up a hand and says

“Mommy, go way”

We should have never

shown her how to start a new game

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Saturday December 8th, 2007

I spy

Something where it shouldn’t be….

Can you spot the bald face black heifer?

Just left of dead center

So I send in my stormtrooper

Get ‘em girl

FYI

We’ve only done this about 10 times now

so I feel pretty safe in letting her go it alone

Her instructions are to

1. Jump up and down

2. Wave your arms

3. Yell “SHOO COW”

She loves this

This cow has about a 20 ft bubble

That’s how close you can get before she’s leaving

Mercy has popped the bubble

She walks meekly back in because

she knows she wasn’t supposed to be out

Good job dumpling.

You showed her

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Wednesday December 5th, 2007

Y’all meet Jethro

I’ve been dying to share

Jethro

with you folks

I’ve written about him before

and his quirks

Well

I had to shoe him today

Now

If that ain’t one ornery lookin mule

I don’t know what is

He looks fierce, huh?

He is

But deep down

He’s a cream puff

Just a big cream puff

Crank that leg up there

Don’t make me have to work for it

After I finish, I ask

“Was it so bad

Jethro?”

See?

Cream Puff

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Tuesday December 4th, 2007

Christmas Photo Madness

It’s that time again

Our annual picture

This year I had a

brilliant idea

I like everyone in the picture

and I mean

EVERYONE

So in order to corral

and not have to hold

15 horses and 8 dogs

I thought it would be logical

to put them on the porch

You heard me right

and what follows

is photo proof

That it

can be done

We really only put

8 horses on the porch

Here’s the munchkin holding her horse

while Daddy holds all the mares

who don’t get along

One, two, three, four, five

That’s Monte, Mesquite and Vinnie on the porch

with Blue and Racer tied out front

C’mon Big Guy

Hop on up!

Stand RIGHT HERE

and pretend you’re tied

these are my exact words

B***chy, spooky, ornery mares

you’re all together

Over here - c’mon up

Ok honey

Keep them all in line for just a second

I think this one below is a strong contender

for our Xmas card

It makes me laugh

We’re so cute

if you tilt your head to the left

Awwwww

How sweet

Ok

We’re done

A little cleanup is in order

Mesquite!!!!

We’re DONE

Get off

THE PORCH ALREADY

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Monday December 3rd, 2007

After the Rain

God Bless my neighbor

who blades the road so nicely

and check out my cranky yard art there

being stalked by Nee Nee

Here’s the munchkin

with Lil Bit’s new show halter

*Bling Bling*

Then we have my issues

First off

I want to say

All I did was go to Walmart

On the way back

in the rain

in traffic

the brakes went

to the floor

I do not like that

Especially w/Mercy in the car

So I got home,

made Wade drive it

it’s fine for him

UGH

Next day I decide to

go get hay

get in

brakes – floor

This time I call Wade

make him stop shoeing

he was a block away

and come deal with this

So he does

and discovers

that I have hit something.

Hard enough to damage the housing

and shear a brake line.

It’s spraying fluid every time I brake.

He calls his friend

They do the guy thing.

In 2 hrs I have new back brakes

and that’s including the hour it took

to go to town and get parts

I’m impressed

I do not take pictures of this though

I pick up horse poop and watch from a distance

Men throw tools

These guys didn’t

But you never know

So today

I get in the truck

to go get hay

Round 2

I go to hook up the flatbed

and there’s this

Something not right

Yeah, that little white wire

It should be connected

I may be wrong

but I think that’s the ground wire

And you know

if I don’t fix it

and I go to town anyway

I will surely get pulled over

and it will cost me $200 in fines

cause that’s how my luck is

So while I’m gathering tools

and swearing like a sailor

I take comfort in the fact

that this is something

I know how to fix

In case you don’t

here’s your tutorial

Tools required – ratchet

Heavy pliers, electrical tape

(didn’t need it, but just in case)

and a replacement doohickey that’s too big

but gonna have to do

that’s a professional term - doohickey

”Mommy can I touch that?”

NO

“Mommy can I take a picture?”

SURE

Here’s how to strip wire with your pocketknife

and not mess up your nails

Replace doohickey

Reset screw

Wah – Lah!

NOW

I can go to town

When I was little

No one ever told me

I’d need to know how to do these things

Mercy

Were you paying attention?

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Saturday December 1st, 2007

Chasing the Donkey

Revisited

It’s raining

It’s pouring

It’s time to get your exercise

This is why us farm folks

Never set foot in a gym

I have long thought

I could do a weight loss program

just by having people follow us around

Here’s how it looks here today

Way Yucky

So last night I forgot about the front gate

and let Jack out

His pen was a swamp

I felt sorry for him

Wade came in for the night and shut the gate

then Casper went nuts in his pen

and I realized Jack had probably gone

walkabout

We let Casper out

He promptly found Cadencia in the dark

on the property

I guess she got left behind

It was sweet to watch him comfort her

Meanwhile,

I’m driving up and down the road

In the rain

Looking for Jack and Molly

Wade went to the neighbors

who hadn’t seen Jack or Molly

but had a good laugh at our expense

CAUSE WE’RE CHASING THE FRIGGIN DONKEY AGAIN

So we gave up.

About 10pm

we heard Casper and Cadencia

start calling out

Molly answered!

We ran out in the desert and coaxed her in

She can’t see in the dark.

She can’t really see in the light either

Wade heard her fall trying to cross

a running wash to the west of us

Obviously Jack was on the other side, stuck.

Molly made it

I was out there in my bathrobe and slippers

so I made Wade piggyback me thru the desert

then I made him jump the wash (w/o me)

and look for Jack

What a good man, huh?

He puts up with a lot

We couldn’t find Jack.

About 1 a.m he showed up at the fence.

Guess the wash went down enough to cross

We both went out at 6:30 a.m. to bring him back

He was eating the neighbors hay

Of course he didn’t want to come in

So I had to chase him down

with no rope or halter

and threaten to ride him if he didn’t

come with me

works every time

This is how I look this morning

freezing my butt off

I love this ornery bugger!

We have a few words

It goes like this

Jack

You have to stop this

I know it’s fun for you

but it sucks for us

THIS

is what happens when Wade tries to grab him

He and Wade don’t really like each other

Jack leaves

His entourage follows

I swear, he’s like our own little

Hugh Hefner

He’s older than dirt

has 2 girlfriends

and could care less

------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile…..

Someone else has to come with this morning

since she missed last night’s debacle

Shoes are required

Casper is never hard to catch

Got her canteen too

Not that finding water is a problem today

----------------------------------------------

After all this

Wade still has to feed at the shop

I asked him to take a few dogs

It makes them so happy

Except for Maggie

She’s still learning

(and fine, btw)

It’s not 10 a.m. yet

What next?

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November 07 Adventures

October 07 Adventures

September 07 Adventures

August 07 Adventures

July 07 Adventures

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